Texts From Last Night: TNA Edition
by captaindynamite
Summary: Text Messages from various TNA Superstars and Knockouts to others.
1. Chapter 1

**I know there are a fair few of these out now, but I wanted to do one too. I'm using just TNA superstars and knockouts, and the texts come directly from Texts from Last Night, a website that's purely amazing if you've never seen it before. All spelling errors are left in from the original messages.**

**I own nothing, the people belong to themselves, and the texts belong to Texts from Last Night.**

**To:** Eric Young  
><strong>From:<strong> Rob Van Dam  
>He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.<p>

**To: **Sarita**  
>From: <strong>Rosita  
>I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.<p>

**To:** Murphy  
><strong>From:<strong> Gunner  
><strong>About:<strong> Crimson  
>Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.<p>

**To:** James Storm  
><strong>From: <strong>Robert Roode  
>The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.<p>

**To:** Jesse Neal  
><strong>From:<strong> Shannon Moore  
>WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.<p>

**To: **Traci Brooks**  
>From: <strong>ODB  
>Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis<p>

**To:** Rob Van Dam  
><strong>From:<strong> Brian Kendrick  
>Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class<p>

**To: **Jeff Hardy**  
>From: <strong>Matt Hardy**  
><strong>I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.

**To:** Crimson  
><strong>From:<strong> Amazing Red  
>I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.<p>

**To:** Max Buck  
><strong>From:<strong> Jeremy Buck  
>At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?<p>

**To:** Velvet Sky  
><strong>From: <strong>Angelina Love  
>Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls.<p>

**To:** AJ Styles  
><strong>From:<strong> Kazarian  
><strong>About:<strong> Traci Brooks  
>She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.<p>

**To: **Winter**  
>From: <strong>Mickie James**  
><strong>I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.

**To:** Alex Shelley  
><strong>From:<strong> Chris Sabin  
>you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.<p>

**To:** Kazarian  
><strong>From:<strong> AJ Styles  
><strong>About:<strong> Christopher Daniels  
>Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews. I know some are a bit out there, but that's the fun, right? I own no one, not even the texts.**

**From: **Brian Kendrick  
><strong>To:<strong> Rob Van Dam  
>Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.<p>

**From:** Matt Hardy  
><strong>To:<strong> Jeff Hardy  
>When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?<p>

**From:** Murphy  
><strong>To:<strong> Gunner  
>Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.<p>

**From:** Jeremy Buck  
><strong>To:<strong> Max Buck  
>It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.<p>

**From:** Winter  
><strong>To:<strong> Mickie James  
>and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"<p>

**From:** Robert Roode  
><strong>To:<strong> James Storm  
>All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.<p>

**From:** Karen Jarrett  
><strong>To:<strong> Eric Bischoff  
><strong>About:<strong> Jeff Jarrett  
>he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!<p>

**From: **Samoa Joe  
><strong>To:<strong> AJ Styles  
>Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.<p>

**From:** Rosita  
><strong>To: <strong>Sarita  
>I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.<p>

**From:** Velvet Sky  
><strong>To:<strong> Angelina Love  
>There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night<p>

**From: **Robbie E  
><strong>To:<strong> Cookie  
>jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times.<p>

**From:** Shannon Moore  
><strong>To:<strong> Jesse Neal  
>i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.<p>

**From:** Amazing Red  
><strong>To:<strong> Jeremy Buck  
>I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.<p>

**From: ** Chris Sabin  
><strong>To:<strong> Alex Shelley  
>The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.<p>

**To:** Tara  
><strong>From:<strong> Madison Rayne  
>I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.<p>

**To:** Jeff Hardy  
><strong>From:<strong> Shannon Moore  
>We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?"<p>

**To:** Kazarian  
><strong>From:<strong> Christopher Daniels  
><strong>About:<strong> AJ Styles  
>He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever<p>

**To:** Murphy  
><strong>From<strong>: Gunner  
><strong>About:<strong> Crimson  
>He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews everyone! Remember, all original grammar and spelling errors come direct from the site.**

**To:** Chris Sabin  
><strong>From:<strong> Alex Shelley  
>The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.<p>

**To:** Christopher Daniels  
><strong>From:<strong> Kazarian  
><strong>About: <strong>Traci Brooks  
>I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends<p>

**To:** Madison Rayne  
><strong>From:<strong> Gail Kim  
><strong>About:<strong> ODB  
>What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."<p>

**To:** Velvet Sky  
><strong>From:<strong> Mickie James  
>we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.<p>

**To:** Robbie E  
><strong>From:<strong> Rob Terry  
>You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines<p>

**To:** James Storm  
><strong>From:<strong> Robert Roode  
>You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.<p>

**To:** Douglas Williams  
><strong>From:<strong> Brutus Magnus  
>He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.<p>

**To:** AJ Styles  
><strong>From:<strong> Christopher Daniels  
>I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.<p>

**To:** Hernandez  
><strong>From:<strong> Rosita  
>woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?<p>

**To:** Rob Van Dam  
><strong>From:<strong> Brian Kendrick  
>You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and Michigan<p>

**To:** Max Buck  
><strong>From:<strong> Alex Shelley  
><strong>About:<strong> Austin Aries  
>having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things<p>

**To:** Sarita  
><strong>From:<strong> Rosita  
>just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.<p>

**To:** Crimson  
><strong>From:<strong> Jeremy Buck  
><strong>About:<strong> Amazing Red  
>He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.<p>

**To:** Murphy  
><strong>From:<strong> Gunner  
><strong>About:<strong> Crimson  
>So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.<p>

**To:** Tessmacher  
><strong>From:<strong> Tara  
>Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be<p>

To: Kazarian  
>From: James Storm<br>About: Robert Roode  
>He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?<p> 


End file.
